Otome Game Review: Kannou Mukashibanashi Portable

So apparently this game is based on a set of drama CDs whose prominent feature is the dummy head mic. The dummy head mic makes it feel like the voice of the person is whispering in your ear so needless to say this being my first experience, I WAS REALLY FREAKED OUT (((( ;゚д゚))))アワワワワ.  Our heroine, Himeko, has some hot butler man bed intrude into her room telling her he’ll read her some bedtime stories. The best part of course is that she can experience these stories by being the heroine in each one! It sounds too good to be true, and well it is because these aren’t your Cinderella fairy tales. These are mostly horror stories where Prince Charming is responsible for ending the heroine’s life :lol:. This time however, each story gives us multiple outcomes and “what if” scenarios, allowing the reader to experience a variety plot twists.

Hosokawa Tadaoki – I have never heard of this in my life and apparently this is based on an actual historical figure rather than a fairy tale. Tadaoki married Tamahime thinking a wedding would make him into a great soldier like his father. He promptly tells Tamahime that she’s his “thing” and humps her and they make a baby. Immediately after he goes yandere and jealous, even as far as killing some gardener man who was just talking to his wife. ( ´_ゝ`) As all yanderes, he has his kawaii uguu cage of love, so he locks her up in a prison cell in some deep mountain so nobody sees her. He only comes to visit her during breaks in battle and thinks its romantic when he  humps her to warm her up =_=; Pretty sure they had a son but yea I don’t know what the fuck ever happened to that. When he goes to hump her again one day, he finds her wearing a cross around her chest. Turns out Tama’s discovered Christianity and believes in Jesus which makes him SO JEALOUS HOW DARE THAT HO LOVE THIS JESUS GUY,  so he raeps her out of rage. Needless to say Tama gets Stockholm syndrome while Tadaoki goes out to kill Christians making sure she never mentions jesus again. While he’s gone,  she  baptizes herself into Christianity as ‘Gracia’ and when he returns, he rages and locks her up again. Since she’s Christian she can’t kill herself so she asks a servant to kill her and set fire to their house. Tadaoki comes back bawwing and says he’ll chase her into the afterlife lmfao. ( .;´;_ゝ;`:,);゙;`;:゙;`;:ヤメテヨ This is the Normal and basic plot line. In the followup “alternative” routes, starting with the “Woman Hate Route”  Tama trolls him making him get embarrassed and stutter. Her dad goes and drags Tama back to his house and Tadaoki rages. He then sad faps into her clothes and says he’ll reward anyone and accept them into his clan if they bring him Tama’s father’s head.

Turns out Tama’s dad started some rebellion so Tadaoki went to cut off the dad’s head himself. He tells Tama “I HAD TO CUT YUOR DADS HEAD OFF OR ELSE THEY’D THINK WE WERE PART OF THE REBELLION WAHH” So now Tma hates him and refuses to speak with him after that. After a long time of not speaking to him, she finally asks him for a divorce lol and afterwards he becomes a woman hating drunk. \( ^o^)/  The ~Hetare Route~ was even more hilarious cause Tadaoki’s friends  tell him to kiss Tama to “make up” with her over the father’s death lol. He tries to talk to her but shes like “how about no”. Hopeless and pathetic, Tadaoki starts crying like an idiot xDDD. She finally forigves him lmfao and they hug and he becomes her manbitch :lol:. In the ~Loyalty Route~, after the dad abducts Tama, Tadaoki goes to save her and tells her to choose between him and her father. She picks Tadaoki and returns home with him. Sadly one day Hideyoshi the ero jiji like starts mollesting her until  Tadaoki shows up raging and kicks him out. Hideyoshi starts a rebellion and then Tama kills herself. She leaves Tadaoki a letter saying she killed herself so that the Hosokawa house wouldn’t be blamed for the rebellion since there were rumors of her affair with the jiji.  Tadaoki cries and almost starves himself to death until his other friend talks him out of it telling him to move on. In the ~Overcoming Obstacles Route~ Tama chooses her father over Tadaoki but dad is just glad to hear that and tells her to go with her husband. Tadaoki hides her and the kids, while he takes care of clearing their family name from the rebellion, and when it’s over he reunites with her and they live happily ever after.

In the ~Attachment Route~, aka the true yandere route, while Tadaoki’s doing his war thang, Tama decides to take upon Christianity and starts preaching the love of jesus to everyone around her. She gets the guard to let her out of the cell and makes a little “church” in a room where she does her prayers and crap. When Tadaoki comes back he says she’s rather happy when he talks about Christianity so she tells him she’s secretly been learning the ways of jesus! He’s like uh no and decides to lock her up in the mountain forever and then kill her without anyone realizing. This would clear the Hosokawa name since if they find out she was following jesus on top of everything it would be disaster for him. Tadaoki gives her sake with poison in it by drinking it himself and feeding it to her mouth to mouth. After she dies he goes yandere again, with his whole “only i can give you peace f this jesus sheit lol”. He then sets the house on fire and burns himself along with her dead body. I’m honestly surprised how he drank the poison and then fed it to her and didn’t get poisoned himself?? He had to have been affected somehow right? In the ~Evangelist of Love Route~, Tadaoki agrees to believe in Jesus too! And so they become even more raburabu and he tells his buddies that they’ve “awakened” thanks to jesus christ. Christianity has told them to be raburabu in front of everyone without restraints! And so they preach the ways of the book over the ways of the war to everyone and live ichaicha ever after. After you clear all the routes, Tadaoki and Tama discuss the events that went on and he’s like “I regret nothing” in regards to his yandere tendencies but gets all ashamed when he recalls being Tama’s manbitch xDDD. To try to back up his masculinity he pushes her down on the ground and they hump all night long as Hirakawa rapes your ears with the dummyhead mic. Umm what can I say, the hetare route was the best one I loled non-stop! The religion crap was bizarre actually the entire route is just bizarre and the heroine is mostly a massive doormat except in the hetare & woman hating routes lol.

The Little Mermaid (Ningyou Hime)  – So as the story goes a little mermaid saw people dancing on a ship, and fell in love with prince that fell into water during a sea storm. As usual she maade a deal with the sea witch to get legs.  Prince takes her to his castle and lives  but she cannot talk. Her mermaid sisters tell her that if she kills the prince, the pain she has to deal with in regards to her legs & voice will disappear, and she will turn back into a mermaid. She can’t do it because she loves him and turns into foam right after he humps her. And that’s the normal ending. In the Lovers Suicide route, Mermaid tries to stab the prince but can’t do it, instead making out with him trying to shove her tongue down his throat so he realizes how much she loves him. He then goes & stabs himself and dies saying he realized she’s the one who saved him from the shipwreck. Mermaid bawws and says she can’t live without her prince and then stabs herself too. In the Woman’s Fight route, Mermaid makes a deal with the sea witch that 1. the prince will turn into a merman 2. if Mermaid doesn’t make him fall in love with her, he will turn into sea foam and die. As a payment, she takes the mermaid’s eternal life & voice so now she’s gotta get him to fall in love with her without actually saying “I love you”. So it’s kinda like the little mermaid but under the sea lol. When she found the prince ashore she kissed him and passed the medicine through her mouth to turn him into a merman. He’s very shocked at first but then decides to get used to his new merman life with the Mermaid.

Prince realizes she’s the one who loves him and they want to get married but first he says he wants to see the sea witch to get Mermaid’s voice back. The witch tells him that she’ll return her voice if they bring her the legendary treasure “Rainbow Mermaid tear”. Additionaly only one of them can go and so Mermaid decides to go get it on her own and the witch locks up the prince to make sure he doesn’t follow her. She gets the Mermaid tear but the prince has been turned into a creepy yandere by the witch. Fortunately the mermaid tear turns him back to normal and the sea witch rages. Due to saving the prince from the witch’s spell, the stone loses its power and she’s unable to regain her voice. Despite this they still live their happy mermaid lives ever after. In the Horror route, the prince is the one who goes to get the Rainbow Mermaid tear instead. Unfortunately he falls for the trap there and sees an illusion thinking it’s the princess when in fact it’s just a stone statue. The statue strangles him and he turns into stone as well. The Mermaid dies and to this day you can still hear spirit crying and searching for the prince, and you can hear him crying for her as well. In the Happy End route, he realizes that she was the one who saved him after she falls on top of him during a walk on the beach. He asks her to marry him and then her sisters & father wave their hands from the sea sending their blessings. They also give her a medicine bottle which returns her voice back and the 2 live happily ever after. In a Man’s Pride route, Mermaid knocks the prince out with a rock before giving him the merman transformation medicine.  😆

Instead of going to the witch to ask to return her voice, he decides he will go talk to daddy to ask permission to marry her. Daddy rages telling him that the reason his daughter lost her voice is because she turned him into a merman. Before he can beat the prince up, Mermaid gets in the way and protects him. Daddy agrees to let him marry his daughter but only if he goes through his special “groom training” LOL. The two are also not allowed to be with each other until this training is over. The training is ridiculous shit like bring 1000 sea urchins in 3 days to the king. ( .;´;_ゝ;`:,);゙;`;:゙;`;:ヤメテヨ Unfortunately even after she licks the wounds off his fingers (*´д`*)ハァハァ  he doesn’t get enough sea urchins and fails.  However he doesn’t give up and instead of caring about his marriage to Mermaid princess, he says instead he just wants to pledge his loyalty to the Mermaid King instead. (ㆀ˘・_・˘) Uh if you say so…. In the Love Comedy route, Mermaid slaps daddy for being an asshat to the prince. She decides to help the prince gather the sea urchins while the watchman is out helping with dinner. While they’re gathering the urchins, a rabid shell comes and attacks her hair and like chops it off. They manage to gather 1000 sea urchins but the King rages that she helped him out. He does agree to let them marry saying he realizes how strong their love is and approves of her new haircut 😆 Umm yea I don’t know what’s so comedic here other than her slapping daddy. (´・ω・`) Sakurai was HOT I mean I was like (;´Д`)ハァハァ in almost every route especially any route with him as a merman lolol. In his cast commentary he said this game will make you haa haa and well he certainly was right xDDD. (๑´ლ`๑)♡

Issun Boshi – Issun Boshi a dude whos like 3CM tall. When he grows up he decides to go on an adventure to see the capital. He ends up at some house as the “play thing” for the princess lol. One day some oni attacks her and shes like save me 3cm man! 😆 . Needless to say, the oni eats him  but Issun pokes his stomach so the oni spits him out and drops Uchide’s mallet as a consolation prize. The princess makes a wish on the mallet for Issun to become taller and he turns into a sexy beast (;´Д`)ハァハァ  and then the 2 get married & live happily ever after. In the Suspense Route before he can go travel to the capital, his grandpa drops dead cause somebody killed him. He goes to the capital to try and catch the criminal and so we have a tiny detective x3. The princess at the capital tries to help him find the criminal but they both have no luck. When he tells her he’s looking for the “demon of the capital” she goes yandere and he tranquilizes her with some sleep injection to calm her down. o_O;  They go out into the forest one day and the capital oni that killed his grandpa chases them down into a temple. They hide there and she gets so nervous she can’t move to escape until Issun whispers in her ear and  licks her neck. Ovaries blown. Anyway they use Uchide’s mallet they find and turn the stupid demon to stone and he thanks her for taking revenge on the demon for him. She then uses the Uchide mallet to turn Issun large and they make out and live happily ever after. In the Action Route, she uses the mallet to make Issun large so he has a 1:1 battle with the oni and defeats him.

While he’s injured in the princess’ arms, he asks her to marry him. And so after peace is brought to the capital the two get married and live happily ever after. Pretty much same as the  route before this I guess ^^;. In the Escape route, basically he does some research and discovers that the murderer is the princess’ dad. Sadly he couldn’t back up his claim with any evidence and apologizes for false accusation. He asks to be locked up for this but the princess begs her father to forgive him. He refuses and locks Issun up until the princess comes down and tries to help him escape. She uses her hairpin to pick the lock & get him out (while he chants erotic innuendos) and then the 2 of them run away together. In the Mystery route, Issun claims that the Capital Demon is actually the princess. She goes yandere and admits that she killed people out of loneliness but realized that it didn’t change anything. She gets locked up by her father but Issun  still being in love with her visits her at the cell and plays around with her. She’s there for the rest of her life but since he loves her, he spends the rest of his life with her as well. (´;ω;`) In the Friendship route, his grandpa doesn’t die and he goes to the capital and becomes the princess’ plaything as before. One day when they’re walking in the forest they run into another 3CM dude named Issun Tarou who’s been looking for him.

Tarou says that he’s been misunderstood and singled out and was hoping he’d find someone who would understand his feelings. Princess is like “it’s awwright” and lets him come to her place and work together with Issun Boshi. So then the 3 of them have 3P blindfold play where she puts on a blindfold and they both get on either side of her shoulder and whisper randy things into her ear. (/ρ\)いやーん So one day while they’re taking a walk in the forest an oni shows up and attacks them. Tarou & Boshi join forces and defeat him and he drops the Uchide mallet again. Instead of becoming larger, he instead just asks for time off to go on a manly journey to “become stronger” and return a better man for her. Tarou decides to be a BFF and accompany Boshi on his journey, and when they return the princess uses the hammer to make them larger. She then gets jealous of their manly BL love friendship but that’s awwwright cause…In the Love Comparison route, she decides to use the hammer immediately and make them larger. Unfortunately this suddenly grows them a mass of fangirls in addition to now them both fighting over the princess’ affections. They go ask her who she likes more and basically gets manwiched for a hot 3P end. (;゚∀゚)=3ハァハァ Umm yea Issun was hot, Suzuki’s voice was just (;´Д`)ハァハァ. Playing him and Mermaid routes back to back left me picking up my melted self off the floor afterwards.

Banchou Sarayashiki – I actually played this route 2nd cause I figured I’d get the 2 crazy historical Japanese dudes out of the way first! Aoyama Harima is the man of the house & sexually haraasses his servant Okiku lol. He has to marry and have a baby with some other ho but says “I dont care if I have a baby with dat cunt, you’re my lover foreeverrrr”.  One day Kiku breaks some magnificent plate of the Aoyama heritage and his wife not only finds out about this but also about his love affair. So to “pay for his sins” Harima…chops up Kiku’s body into pieces wtf. =_=; So much for loving her lol! Then he throws her body into the well and Kiku’s voice started haunting him from there. So then Sadako style Kiku comes out and haunts him  the rest of his life lolol. On top of that Kiku then posesses his wife and breaks all the plates and the Aoyama family pretty much crumbles from there. In the ~Horror Comedy Route~ Harima and Okiku get married (despite his family’s disproval) and have a baby! 😯 Baby grows up into shota and begs daddy to see his wonderous plates. Son of course drops the plate and Kiku cuts her finger picking up the pieces, but the shota’s forgiven. However when Harima goes to ask for someone to heal Kiku’s wounds all the servants are missing in action. As he goes to bed he hears noises and when he goes to the plate closet he finds the plates floating around and having a conversation ( ゚ェ゚)・;’.、ゴフッ. xDDD

The plates rage and ask him to put “Nana-chan” the plate back together cause that’s apparently the plate the shota broke. Nana-chan tells everyone quietly to stop fighting and that she ain’t even mad. The plates attack him with annoying sounds and pull other tricks out of rage for breaking her anyway. They finally stop when Harima puts Nana-chan back together and all the servants return. The plates decide they wanna be free from that room so they become like members of the family プッ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵. In the ~Bizarre Route~, they find their son missing and a day later Harima finds Kiku missing even though they tied their hands together before going to bed. He hears some plate noises and when he goes into the plate closet, all his servants, wife and son have been turned into plates xDDD.  In the ~Plate Otaku~ route, the plate is saved by Harima before it breaks. After this the son says he wants to collect lots and lots of plates and becomes a plate otaku /(^o^)\ナンテコッタイ.  So then both the son and dad become massive plate hoarders and get like a million plates at home and and Kiku rages. Even the son is like “daddy I wanna talk to you more than look at plates” but Harima continues his plate fap a thon. Not to soon after, Kiku takes the son and leaves the Harima and his plates. And so some time later, all the other servants leave him alone in the house. After some time he’s barely alive cause he’s not eaten anything cause he’s been busy fapping to his plates and eventually dies alone. (^Д^) 9m プギャプギャプギャプギャー!!

In the ~Household Harmony Route~, Harima explains to his son that collecting random plates has no meaning and that the plates in the Aoyama household are passed down generations which is why they’re special. And so the son learns to take good care of the plates and wipes them clean every day.  He and Harima teache Kiku how to properly wipe them too and…they have a happy plate ever after. In the ~Monopolizing Route~, after Kiku breaks the plate and the wife catches them, this time Harima slices the wife instead :lol:. So then he and Kiku have celebratory secks and get married not too soon after. Their happy time comes to an end when of course the ghost of his dead wife comes to haunt them. So then Harima goes nuts attacking the “ghost wife” which really just look like he’s attacking air and he pretty much destroys the house. He then starts chasing random servants around swinging his sword like a wacko. Everyone runs away only leaving him and Kiku and he’s still crazy and a bipolar yandere for her. In the ~Curse Route~ ghost wife bitch chokes Harima to death, says her revenge is over and poofs. Kiku takes her stuff and leaves the Aoyama house the next morning. When the servants discover his dead body they freak out and run away from the house too. After that the house becomes a ghost house with Harima’s spirit wandering around looking for Kiku. Hm lol yea the plates I will never forget. That talking plate route I think had my entire broadcast chat floored. I still feel like Shimono was a miscast, I’m used to him voicing genki shotas not creepy yandere plate otaku xD.

Leda & the Swan – Zeus the manwhore, despite being married likes to hang out with other ladies. One day he sees the Spartan queen Leda and says I WANNA HIT DAT SHEIT. So while her husband’s away at war  Zeus grasps the opportunity and turns into a swan.  While he was trying to get it on with her, she fell into the lake. He saves her out of the lake and gives her mouth 2 mouth to revive her. He then goes to the warzone where her husband is telling him to return to his wife. Tyndereus refuses and before Zeus can attack him, Hera comes down and stabs him with her nails out of jealousy or something. Zeus returns to Leda apologizing for not being able to bring her husband back to her and says he’s fallen in love with her. He then takes the form of her husband and makes lovin all night. Lolol there were these double voices and it felt like a 3 some with Morikubou and Kondo.  ( ゚ェ゚)・;’.、ゴフッ So then he impregnated her and she had 2 babies, 1 was normal and the other was invincible like Zeus. The human one died in war but the god one survived so not wanting to be separated from his brother, Zeus made them into the  gemini stars. In the 3 Way Struggle route, Hera comes down raging at Zeus for being a manslut. 😆 She takes him back to heaven and zaps him until he vows loyalty to her xDD. Despite this Zeus comes back to Leda to be a manslut again and Hera rages and takes Leda’s voice away making her a mute. Just then Tyndareus, Leda’s hubby comes back and saves her, getting her voice back,  while Hera drags Zeusy back to Mt. Olympus once again.

She asks her son Ares to talk to Hades and take Leda for himself. Ares is like whatever but goes to check out Leda anyway and since she’s rather feisty he’s like oohh yea and starts a war in Sparta, taking the enemy’s side. He then bed intrudes into Leda & Tyndareus’ bedroom and they have a sword fight and needless to say, Tyndareus gets beat up. Before Ares can chop Leda’s ears off, Zeus comes & saves her. Before he can take Leda back to Mt. Olympus with him, Hera shoots down her lightning and gives Tyndareus her powers. She tells her husband and son to go fuck themselves and never return to Olympus and fight their stupid battles on earth. While they duke out their gachimuchi battle, Leda’s like fack this sheit and runs off somewhere. m9(^Д^)プギャー In the Downfall route, Tyndareus refuses to fight with Ares so he gets bored and leaves. In the meantime Tyndy decides to have some TLC with Leda before he goes off to war again. He dies in battle and before she can commit suicide to be with him in Hades, Ares shoots her with an arrow that makes her a god. Being a god she cannot die and therefore can never reunite with Tyndareus in Hades. Ares then tells her he’ll revive her husband if she NTRs her dead husband and  becomes Ares’ beitch. Before she can answer, Zeus zaps his randy son and apologizes for everything. He brings Leda to Mt. Olympus with him and they live swanly ever after. In the Swan Legend route, Leda rages at Zeus for tricking her. When Hera comes down raging at Zeus again, she turns Leda into a swan lol. Leda manages to escape and flies to where Tyndareus is and he smells his wife’s perfume on her…but has no idea that it’s her. He falls asleep in his tent with Swan-Leda by his side until Zeus shows up saying he don’t care what she looks like he still wants to hit dat.

Realizing her husband will never recognize her again, Leda decides to go with Zeus. Suddenly one of Hera’s servants shows up saying he was ordered to kill Swan-Leda. When she gets attacked, Tyndareus realizes that Leda is the swan so he grabs her & runs. So just then Eros shows up in the form of an eagle and takes Tyndareus & Leda up to Mt. Olympus where Aphrodite is. He tells them that Aphrodite’s sick of Zeus & Hera arguing like retards over his manwhoring so she decided to butt in & help Leda & Tyndy. Eros says that Hera will turn Leda back into human if he accepts one of Eros’ arrows that will either make Tyndareus forget his love for Leda or fall in love with another woman. Tyndareus refuses to accept this, and instead Eros turns Tyndareus into a swan as well. Unfortunately because Leda didn’t believe her husband, Tyndareus turns into a plain ol’ swan with no memories of his human life and flies away. No where to go, Leda flies away as well and Zeus gets so emo he starts babbling to random swans and hoping one day Leda will come back to him. In the Pure Love route, Tyndareus decides to accept Aphrodite’s offer and because Leda trusts him form her heart, she turns back into human and their love is preserved. The two return back to earth and live happily ever after, while Zeus grumbles about his and Hera’s marriage. In the Immoral Love route, Tyndareus listens to Swan-Zeus and returns to Leda to make love to his waifu. He then returns to battle and Zeus is pissed that the chick he was gonna manwhore with is happy with another man. Unsatisfied with this outcome, Zeus turns from swan to his god form and tells Leda that he cannot stand when she smiles for another man! (You should talk you manwhore.)

Just then Tyndereus shows up and sees Zeus hittin on his wife despite Leda constantly trying to tell the dude that she loves her husband. Thinking he’s just trippin’ balls he leaves without Zeus or Leda noticing. Zeus gives up and leaves her and when she gets home Tyndareus says he has to go to war again, which is an excuse to get over his jealousy. Their relationship gets worse with Tyndareus constantly doubting her,  and when Zeus hears about it from Eros he rushes back to Leda. Leda realizes she’d rather get it on with Zeus than Tyndy and so they live sinfully ever after. In the Jealousy Route, instead of leaving when he catches Leda & Zeus, he bursts in going “dafuq is goin’ on here ಠ_ಠ” and rages at Zeus. He says he knows about his manwhoring ways and says he knows his wife would never cheat on him. Zeus babbles that Tyndareus “love” cannot be compared to Zeus in bed 😆 To make sure this isn’t true, when they get home that night Tyndy has some hot secks with Leda. And so just like in the original story, suddenly Zeus shows up and humps her too rofl and then she has 2 kids as per Normal route. Uhh yea….this was certainly the weirdest route I’ve ever played simply because the guy you are supposed to go after isn’t always the guy you end up with lmfao. I find it hilarious how Zeus would get NTRed by pretty much everyone and even in the ends he gets to score its weird because he has to either pretend to be her husband or do it because Leda is depressed and needs someone to hump because her husband is ignoring her. It’s never because Leda actually loves him – although I don’t know what the fuck she was on in the Jealousy route there 😆 I loled really hard at the epilogue because reality hits you hard bro.

Bluebeard – Ugh Morikubou was such a miscast for this ossan. I mean when I think of Ossan characters I think of Morikawa or Fujiwara…not Morikubou wth 5PB lol. So anyway Bluebeard (more like a goatee than a beard….) randomly finds this chick and marries her immediately. While he leaves he gives her keys to his mansion but tells her to never go into the room which opens with the little key. Curiosity gets the best of her so she decides to take a peek. There she finds his previous wives dead bodies wrapped in blankets lying around. When Aohige returns from his trip, he finds out that she went into that room cause there was blood on the key when she dropped it. He then drags her by the hair into there to kill her but she prays to god to save her and so her prayers are answered and her 2 brothers show up and kill him. All his inheritance went to her an so she lived in that house with her mother and 2 brothers. I wonder if they ever cleaned out that nasty room, surely the stank would have been horrible! In the Misunderstanding Route, while Aohige is out for a while, the wife is lonely and gets it on with the butlers at the house. She leaves them with a key and if they look into the room they find that she’s been killing off all the butlers ala Aohige with his former wives rofl. When Aohige comes back he’s like “wtfs the deal with all the new butlers lol” so she lies saying they stole their jewelry, but he doesn’t believe it. She blames him for it, saying she was lonely and that’s why she did it all. As she starts to strangle him out of rage, to get her off, he pushes her and she falls down the stairs & dies rofl. /( ^o^ )\ なんてこったい

So then he like takes her dead body and keeps it that dead body room while he plays necrophilia fun and brings her flowers & talks to her ಠ_ಠ.  He becomes a hikki until I guess he dies in that room with her. In the Wife turns into Aohige route, he believes her lies about the butlers and apologizes saying he’ll be with her more often. Sadly the wife becomes a major slut and can’t stop getting it on with the butlers despite him being around more often. He inquires her about her getting along with them “too well” and she lies saying that she only loves him. Eventually she kills every man in the house and the only one remaining is Aohige. She decides to test him too and leaves the key to that death room with him too and leaves for the day. Of course Aohige opens the room and finds the dead butlers and the wife catches him in the act! They start battling it out because she threatens to kill him too. In the end, she manages to stab him anyway and he dies apologizing for having her become like this ಠ_ಠ. The slut wife then cries regretting what she did and goes MIA. In the Quintuplets Route, the wife doesn’t cheat with the butler and the butler lives. Aohige comes back, asks if she did anything while he was gone (oh did she) but she just says she’s lonely and only wants him. Some days later he leaves again and once again gives her a key to his “special room” telling her not to go in it. Curiosity gets the best of her and she goes in it only to discover…..4 guys who look identical to Aohige. プッ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵ Turns out that they’re his 4 twin brothers and then he says he’ll only spare her life if she can pick which one is the one that “she married and made love to”.I’d say “Go for Morikubou!” but since that’s too obvious she picks him out by the manly musk he emits or something. And so they hug and yay happy end! Who woulda thought! XD

In the True Love end – she doesn’t cheat and doesn’t go into the room and Aohige is so happy that he wasn’t betrayed for once he begs forgiveness for “testing” her. Turns out the key he gave her was actually to a secret garden which he takes her to immediately after bawwing. She says they should plant some flowers here together and he starts crying out of happiness and then they make out & hump in there. Some time passes and all that humping pays off I guess cause they have like 6 kids lol. The flowers bloom in their garden & they live happily ever after. In the Mysterious Route, she decides to open the door and inside are 2 twin dudes who tell her she has to pick between the right or left door. She has no choice cause she can’t go back out and so she goes with sexy doorman on the right. When she gets into the next room  there’s another set of doors and she keeps pretty much going through this door maze over & over. Eventually after many doors she ends up in the main hallway of the house and just then Aohige returns from his trip. She bawws and promises never to go into that room again & they live happily ever after lol. (゚ロ゚;) In the Tactics Route, she goes into the room, gets blood on the key and refuses to give it to him. He drags her into the room to kill her and the brothers show up as usual hearing her cries for help. The brothers show up going “oh you’ve gotten a good one this time!” Turns out apparently the way Aohige killed all his wives, she’s killed all her husbands teamed up with her brothers. Apparently they were bounty hunters killing murderous rich guys and taking their money /(^o^)\ナンテコッタイ… and so their sister marrying them was all just as KEIKAKU. They end up living in Aohige’s mansion together basking in his inheritance as per Normal route lol. Uh yea this was certainly something. I expected all horrible bad ends for this guy so I was surprised that he actually had some happy endings although I still regret that we couldn’t get a happy ending with the butler. I guess all the NTR stuff was left for Zeusy 😆

Hansel & Gretel – Hansel & Gretel  are thrown away by their parents in the forest and go into the candy house of an evil witch who wants to eat them. Apparently they are step siblings from different marriages so not blood related. Their parents throw them into the forest multiple times. After a while they eventually get lost and find the candy house.  The witch tries to fatten up Hansel and makes Gretel work like a slave making food for him to make him fat. Baba catches Hansel feeding soup mouth to mouth to Gretel and rages at them. Then she shoves Hansel into the stove to cook her. To save Gretel, Hansel tricks the witch and pushs her into the stove burning her alive lol. Hansel & Gretel find jewels & gold in the house,  put it in their pockets and leave the candy house.  In the Ghost Route, instead of running into the candy house, they find some abandoned shack and decide to live there. Unfortunately that shack is occupied by 2 unfriendly ghosts who suck their souls out and kill them, turning them into ghosts. Since they have hatred for their parents for abandoning them, they are unable to go to heaven & are stuck as ghosts with unfinished business. The boss ghost tells them the only way they can reincarnate is if they get over their anger.

They never get over it and instead just become ghosts and live transparently ever after and help lost children get their way out of the forest. In the Revenge Route both Hansel & Gretel decide to take revenge on their parents. They show up in front of them and show them an illusion of a horse to trick them to prove that their parents are greedy asshats. They then attack their parents in revenge and when they’re finished they fly off to heaven together. In the Grand Finale Route, they fight the ghosts and suddenly the ghosts shrink and so Hansel & Gretel defeat them and lock them in the cupboard. Boss Ghost man comes out asking to let them out and the ghosts come out and return to their normal size. He asks to repay for his followers stupidity and so they help Hansel and Gretel live there and gather food etc. One day though Gretel says she wants to return home, so they go back to their stupid parents house and the ghosts beat up the parents until they realize how stupid they are for kicking their children out. And so the ghosts say their goodbyes and the parents and Hansel and Gretel live happily ever after. Some years later, Hansel and Gretel grow up and Hansel is randier than ever xDDD. In the Ghost Harem route, they live with the ghosts as before and they accept the boss ghost’s offer to live in that bum shack forever. Eventually they die and turn into ghosts and then Gretel has a ghost harem with the other ghosts hitting on her プッ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵.

In the Sibling Love route, they go to the candy house and Gretel begs the witch to be eaten instead of Hansel so the witch makes Hansel “fatten up” Gretel instead. Hansel then begs the witch to teach him magic and for some reason the old baba is stupid enough to let him learn. He’s able to use transformation magic and he shows it to Gretel turning a book into a baby chick. He tells Gretel he plans to fight the witch with his newly obtained magic powers, and he defeats the witch turning her to ashes. Unfortunately suddenly Hansel goes yandere and refuses to take the chains off Gretel’s legs saying that it’s as proof of their love so they can be together forever. And so madly in love with each other they live bondagely ever after. (ㆀ˘・_・˘) In the magician route, after he learns magic from her, the witch for some reason becomes nice and gives the  keys so that Hansel can free Gretel. So then Gretel starts learning magic from Hansel as well but she has no luck. Anyway they just live with the witch happily ever after as they practice their magic skills. Meh that was kinda lame except for the lulzy sky secks innuendo. Honestly I’m rather disappointed with this story…it felt really short and lacking. I feel like the Normal route really raised my expectations but then they really didn’t know what to do with it. For one, I would have loved to see more endings with grown up Hansel but yea sigh… (´・ω・`).  I find it funny how otome games are making Hansel into this massive siscon since it happened in Zettai Meikyuu Grimm as well 😆

Once you complete all the routes and characters, you get to go a short trip with Mr. Guide through all the stories as he shoves a variety of sexual innuendos into your ears (dick mushrooms, keys in holes etc.)

Wow I just enjoyed this game tremendously. At first I had trouble getting used to the dummyhead mic but eventually it went from ((゚Д゚;))ガタガタ to (*´д`*)ハァハァ.  Some roles felt like a massive miscast especially Hansel, Harima and Bluebeard. I think those 3 should have just had their seiyuus reversed but everyone else was alright. The funniest part about the game is there isn’t a single female seiyuus. All “female” roles (like wife/sister) are played by all the guys in the game so you’d have like Inoue Kazuhiko voicing a cow or Shimono Hiro voicing Aphrodite 😆 The art was beautiful (dem man nipples) and the music was very lovely and appropriately fitting to every story. Even if the original story was WTeff to me, all the various twists and routes made it very enjoyable, even with Aohige ossan xD. I must say I recommend this game to everyone. It’s not even as much about “otome gaming” as much as it is about enjoying fairy tales. I have no comments about the heroine because you get to pretty much be a bunch of various heroines so Himeko is pretty much a transparent cloud. They try to give her a personality in the Guide route but that was pretty disappointing and generic so I don’t have too much to say about it. My favorite characters are Issun Boshi, Mermaid prince and Hansel but as far as route satisfaction I’d definitely say Issun wins by far. Sometimes a route would be great but then the ending would just be like (ಠ_ಠ). The funniest route definitely goes to the 2 Japanese wackos Harima & Tadaoki. Nothing beats a crying drunk man and talking plates xDDD. The game will just fly by very quickly so if you are short on time, this may be right up your alley. Enjoy, and don’t forget to wear your headphones ;).


40 thoughts on “Otome Game Review: Kannou Mukashibanashi Portable”

  1. lol i can definitely say she’s screwed me over with her guides at least 3 times lol so if there’s another site I try to use that first ^^;

  2. xD;; now that you say that, I’m pretty cautious on following it when I play other games ^^;;.
    I’ve checked the blog and I’ve spotted the differences from the two, will try redoing Hansel’s route later using Love Voice. Thanks again!

  3. That’s weird. I’m sure I followed la primavera’s guide to get all the endings but I still can’t get those two. ^^;;
    Anyway, thank you! ^_^

  4. I sincerely don’t remember what Cg goes with which ending since I played them all and its been a month since then… But I do believe if you don’t do every ending you won’t unlock the bonus Cg which is the one after the guide.

  5. haha if all otome games were recorded with dummy head I don’t know how much I could take @_@ lol I did get a bit tired of always having my headphones on since I tend to just play my games with the speakers instead.

  6. Dummy Head Mic is LOOOVE. (Is just me because I am listening to Drama CDs that use that technique for a while now but…) from now on the new generation of otome games should be recorded with Dummy Head Mic *A*

    Yay, if fairy tale otome adaptions are done well, I am happy /shot

  7. he is playable but his route is really lame and there’s no CGs so it isn’t really anything worth mentioning ^^; enjoy the game!

  8. Thanks for the review. I will take it to another backlog of mine as I guess it’s short. My fav maybe are the mermaid prince, hansel, and issun boshi, similar to you. But… won’t we get the buttler too? It’s too bad if he isn’t playable.

  9. Oh, I can’t pass up Tatsuhisa either. XD The only problem now is deciding which route to do first. Are all of the character routes available at the start? :Oa

  10. Aozora Hayato? Yea I hated him too. He was so wangsty I’m actually thinking that when After Winter comes out I’ll get his route out of the way first cause eugh lol

  11. rofl yea that route was hilarious 8D;; Hansel & Gretel’s route was strangely disappointing!! I was all excited too then I felt like I was jipped or something lol. Overall though every route was fairly entertaining XD

  12. I-I’ll enlist that on my next to play games!!! — it might take time because I’m trying to buy a 3DS for the new harvest moon game releasing next month TT_TT (3DS is expensive, dammit). —I actually hated Hirakawa as the virgo dude in starry sky(forgot his name, another emo, if I remember) but i love all his other roles. >.<

    Thanks for the recommendation btw. : )))

  13. The fact that there is a route called ~Plate Otaku~ means I have to play this game. LOL.

    I was really really looking forward to this game!! I knew about the dummyhead mics which made me more excited ’cause I knew I would probably be a puddle of just melted goo after XD so I’m super excited.

    I love fairy tales too so this game is like, perfect for me hahaha! XD I cannot wait. Raaghhh I was so excited for Hansel and Gretel! Idk why but they just – so cute. Lol

  14. Just wanted to say hi and thanks for reviewing this game! (To be honest, I’ve been waiting to order it ever since it was announced.)

    Out of all the routes, I think I’m looking forward to Hosokawa’s, Zeus’s, and the Prince’s. /huge fan of Hirakawa.

  15. Man-hera x Zeus lmfaooo xDDD
    Yeaaa Hirakawa’s known to voice wangsty emofags but I admit I just loved his role in Hoshiiro no Okurimono as a sensei. I recommend that game a lot if you like him 🙂
    Yea I was disappointed with the butler route it was rather lame lol.

  16. Fave pairing: HeraxZeus(seiyuus… girl role tori= love). I feel BL love xDD

    Fave chara is: Tadaoki(I’m a big ドm, biased with onii-chan’s voice too. Noticed Hirakawa’s roles usually have complexes–*looks at love revo, and da capo) then Aohige(yeah, I’m weird). :’D

    I can’t help but call annainin, Sebastian. And I’m still mopping for the no CG route for him TT_TT why otomate? WHY!!??? They could have give annainin the 3 extra CGs from Issun… I mean it was kinda unfair he has 3 more then annaninin = 0 😡

  17. I’m always giggling when they’re doing the dummy mic thing. Especially Sakurai and Toriumi(Hirakawa too but me haven’t heard a lot) in this one… Well I’m a girl after all *A*

    I only liked Rihito shota. His route annoyed me a lot too. u_u

    Can’t wait for Koakuma bancho’s route~ ! >w<

    Hi-Hirakawa² + Toriumi² + Kondo Takashi²?!!! My lifespan is shortening for sure because of otome games but I don't care… uhuhuhu
    *checks out Diabolik Lovers's site*
    NGHH Is it me or are most of those charas S?!! And… I think I'm imagining things but just to be sure… Is Light really saying: "bitch-chan tte kawaii naa, tabechaitai~"? WTF? Bitch-chan? Am I seeing things? And the S and 変態 notes… Uwaah release this game already (*´д`*)
    Um well this cast does not bother me… huhuhuhu

  18. Thank you for the link, wow EMS is expensive 🙂 but yeah it is fast, it said 3-7 days delivery. Ah I don’t know what the shipping name since it is said: Free Airmail shipping.

    But it’s ok since I can see ur review first before playing the game lol. Next time I’ll try buying from amiami ^^

  19. Oh my goodness, I have a mixed feeling for this game. Mermaid Princess is my fav story here. And OMG Zeus, can’t I hit your face once, he is so annoying ha2

    Btw may I know where did you buy Renai Banchou2? I bought it from play-asia since it is free shipping but I need to wait for 1/2 months for the games to be arrived 😦

  20. Wow, I thought this was just going to be a creepy yandere/rapist game, but I’m actually interested in playing this now. O_o I did not expect most of the plot twists. Thanks for the review!

  21. Yea he was in Garnet Cradle but his character there annoyed me SO GOD DAMN MUCH lmfao that I don’t even care (屮゜Д゜)屮

    I mainly like Koakuma Bancho as a fav because he was really adorable in the first one even as a side character x3. Hirakawa is actually in Diabolik Lovers so yep we’re gonna get to hear him again 😆 Same with Kondo Takashi (Zeusy xDD) and Toriumi (Hansel) so yea haha its like almost the same cast all over again x3

  22. Yes, Prince route was hot, as expected. The Man’s Pride route’s ED… I didn’t know if I had to laugh or to complain but woteva, let’s leave it at that. I loved Hirakawa as the witch(and as the obake#2 too haha) ’cause um it’s Hirakawa(thank you, Wilhelm.). I wanted to see Ningyo Hime’s new haircut! >w<

    Humm humm… Thanks for the info, I'm looking forward to some more dummy mic(and maybe some more Hirakawa too? Am I dreaming too much? Yea maybe xq) / Vampires + Dummy mic? Okay I'm in.

    Aw he's your fav' too? At first I liked him because I heard that Kakihara was voicing him but when I saw him it was an instant-win. Mymy he's too cute… brb, I'm gonna rewatch the opening *drools* again and listen to the samples one more time! I'll wait for this lil' akuma's sake! x3
    Shoot. me haven't realized dat Kakihara was voicing Rihito in Garnet Cradle. Just… wot? I shouldn't think too much of this.

    Hera's voice was freaking hilarious. Her(no, his, his.) seiyuu was really feminine.

    Oi… wait a minute. *Re-reads*
    "To try to back up his masculinity he pushes her down on the ground and they hump all night long as Hirakawa rapes your ears with the dummyhead mic."
    Hawly Shit. I should've stayed a little longer TwT

  23. lol yea I don’t know honestly but in ZMG they basically had Hansel hitting on the heroine cause Gretel wouldn’t give him the time of day 😆

    Surprised you haven’t heard of this but you should definitely check it out. As far as Zeus is concerned, this is exactly why you SHOULD play his route as for the most part he’s the one getting screwed over for his manwhoring rofl

  24. Lol Mr. Guide wasn’t as great as I hoped but at least it did provide some groans/lols. Prince route is so hot I hope you enjoyed it ;D as far as more games I believe the upcoming Diabolik Lovers features the dummy mic so you have a bunch of vampire dudes gonna be sucking in your ear xDDDDD; /extremely excited

    I’m saving koakuma bancho for last cause hes my fav bby ;3

  25. Shimono as any side character was probably the greatest thing I ever heard, but maybe not as great as Sea Witch hirakawa and Candy House witch Suzuki 😆

    This was made by mostly 5PB staff. It was released and probably programmed through otomate/idea factory.

  26. Well, what are else are you gonna do with Hazel and Gretel? Two siblings all alone and abandoned, it’s perfect for siscons and brocons. I mean that’s what I would do. And both Hazels were hot so far, so I’d be a brocon for them.

    I hadn’t heard of this game before, but I’ll definitely try it now, I love the ‘fairy’ tale theme and I never tried the dummy head mic thing. Might skip Zeus though since I never liked his manwhore ass.

  27. Hey thanks for the review! (which is as funny as usual xD)
    Too bad I missed the Prince, Hansel and the hot-guide-butler’s broadcast but I’m catching up now! o/

    I lol’ed when I saw the “Wear your headphones!” on the title… haha. It was my first time on your broadcast and with the “whispering in your ear”-thing and it was so… 痺れる ね~~ *-* My ears can’t stand it. Hope they’ll make some games with that system, ocasionnally! >w>>>> Zeus>>>>>>>> Tynda since Tynda is um… not my type even if he’s caring and all (except in the route where he does not want to take Eros’s arrow and end up in a swan.). Still holding with mai sanduichi route. Yea.

    “you get to go a short trip with Mr. Guide through all the stories as he shoves a variety of sexual innuendos into your ears”
    … Okay, let’s finish to watch Hansel’s route quickly. Though I’ll die, it’s okay. Lemme hear this *A*

    Can’t wait for the Renai Bancho2’s broadcast… Come here, Kakihara Tetsuya! Do-S Bancho! *-* >>燃えて きた ぞ! Hahahaha xD

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