So remember the good ol’ tale of the 3 Musketeers? Otomate came up with a BRILLIANT idea using the concept “what if D’Artagnan was a WOMAN and instead of being bffs with the 3 musketeers she got to hit dat sheit?” And so Musketeer was born! Our story starts when our heroine named D’Artagnan, (which I’m seriously shortening to Darty cause I’m not about to type that name out over & over in this post) is sent out to town to do some errands by her father. When she returns, some evil Gargoyle demon is attacking her father but being fragile & womanly all she can do is watch in horror as her father gets killed. Suddenly a hot dude shows up telling her that he was her father’s former pupil at the Chevalier school. He tells her that if she goes there she’ll find out the reason why her father was killed and will be able to train to get stronger!  D’Artagnan decides it’s a good idea and decides to enroll there. She trains with the teachers on sword fighting and while there runs into the 3 most popular mans at the school: the 3 Musketeers.  However, there’s a rule that if someone challenges you to a duel and you accept, the loser must swear loyalty to the opponent.

Athos – Athos is the leader of the musketeers and the student council pres if you think about it from Japanese dating sim perspective.  He comes off as this major douche at first acting like he’s to cool for school and spends all his time doing research at the library. However that’s just the hard exterior to the deredere underneath once he starts falling for Darty. Unfortunately for him, Dartanian’s too busy focusing on her father’s death to care about romance so running into him showering naked doesn’t phase her in the least bit. (The poor guy even asks her if she say it all and she’s like saw what? :lol:) So then things get complicated when she finds out that the 3 musketeers are actually all demons but they were turned into demons against their will by Rochefort & jiji Richieleu (god damnit Richie.) By the time the winter ball comes, Athos is no longer following Darty because he vowed loyalty to her (despite her losing) but he’s like totally in love with her and he’ll follow her whether she likes it or not xD. So then some ghost chick named Anne shows up telling Darty that on 12/31 the Stars will align and Richie will release all his demons so they must go inside the tower and get the diamond necklace before he does. (What is this Hercules?) Darty wants the necklace so she can use it to turn all the musketeers back into humans so that they can finally be freed and leave this island, which at their present state they cannot.

When the musketeers try to warn all the students about Richie & Roche (lol that sounds funny together), Roche turns into a demon, then turns the musketeers into demons and lies to the students saying that they’re his minions set to attack everyone. Darty’s like noo god damnit щ(ºДºщ) but of course nobody listens to her as they run around like chickens with their heads cut off. So then they all escape and get split up. While Aramis is MIA, Porthos is in some ronery cave and Athos & Darty escape to the musketeer secret shack in the woods. Since the 2 of them are alone on a cold winter night together, Athos takes the opportunity to confess his love to Darty who accepts his feelings saying she loves him too. They make out by the fire and then spend a few days at the shack. In the meantime Athos begins having difficulty transforming from human to demon and realizes eventually he will lose control of himself. Despite this he tells Darty that he’s fine and that evening he reads her a porn novel until he’s too embarrassed when the heroine asks the hero to strip her ﾌﾟｯ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵. Darty of course being void of any romantic feelings, falls asleep and in revenge he snatches a kiss xDD. So the next day when Athos goes to see if Aramis or Porthos are coming he runs into Miss Aratitsdesuwa sensei who gets stabbed and killed by a gargoyle. Before she dies she tells Athos that Dartanian herself is the key to opening the tower. Meanwhile back at the ranch, all the students have been thrown into the underground cell and the teachers claimed it’s for their “own safety” so that the demons won’t attack them.

Only Planchet thinks something fishy is going on and her suspicious are confirmed when she receives a letter from Darty  telling her the deal with the demons, the musketeers, the teachers and herself. Planchet is so happy she believed in Darty (despite being a fucking annoying cunt for the first half of the route). So then on like Christmas eve while everyone’s locked up in the cell, Darty’s like chillaxin’ in her bedroom waiting for prince shining..and lo’ and behold Athos shows up with flowers and a cake saying I LOVE YOU BABE. Darty’s like kyaa just like in the dream I told you I had (I called this scene like a mile away :lol:). He asks what she wants to do and she wants him to read to her trashy romance novels Planchet let her borrow. I guess this uh gets them in the mood and maybe they have some implied humping, I’m not really sure it was incredibly vague. Next day the 3 musketeers run to the tower while Darty runs to free the students. When she gets there they’re all like “we don’t need your rescuing we’re being safe here!” Planchet yells at them and says they’re fucking idiots and tells them to GTFO. Fortunately BL Bonash backs her up and so the students escape and when they’re all out, Darty runs to the tower.

When she gets there Athos is like NOO DAMNIT WHAT ARE U DOING HEREE (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ 彡┻━┻ and immediately the jiji stabs her and uses her blood to open the tower doors. Turns out the blood in her heart was the key to opening it. Before jiji can run in to get the necklace, Aramis & Porthos hold him back and Athos takes Darty and runs in. They grab the diamond necklace and he puts it around her neck begging it to save her life. So then jiji shows up babbling about how he wants the necklace and then deus ex machina boom and both Athos & Darty is saved and Richie’s dead ε=＼＿○ﾉ ｲﾔｯﾎｰｩ！ When they leave the tower they make out in the woods until Aramis & Porthos show up and are like (　ﾟｪﾟ)・;’.、ｺﾞﾌｯ when they see the 2 of them practically getting it on in the snow. They decide to return the necklace to Anne and 1 year later Darty graduates from the school. Since Athos was 1 year older he was already graduated and he meets her and they go to the hidden shack in the woods. He asks her to move in with him and get married….and so 6 months later they’re smooching at their wedding ceremony. (ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Sooo Athos was quite ||萌||ョ´∀｀。)萌えぇ～↑  At first I was like whatever douche, but the moment I saw his blushing face I just melted xD. I didn’t hear his VA in anything else except the crazy guy in Edel Blume but I think he did a fairly decent job in this game. My only beef was some of the Cgs for Athos he looked really weird…like “who are you?” kind of way when compared to the sprites. It was a really strange feeling as if a different person drew them or something.

Aramis – Aramis’ route started pretty sweet and he was just oh so fabulous max but then it kinda went downhill and I just kinda stopped caring. While Maeno’s voice does make him seem less like Nicole from Death Connection, there are just some outfits he wears that no matter how I look at it – TRAP. Aramis is probably the weakest of the 3 musketeers and so Dartanian defeats him first in the duels. He pretty much acts like her loyal puppy and asks her to join him for bubble baths and offers to strip naked for her paintings 😆 She bakes him a birthday cake together with him and he says normally he shares all his bday presents with the other 2 musketeers but he wants to eat the cake only with her. The demon seal on his chest is actually causing him to lose sight and he’s pretty much fully blind in his left eye and barely seeing out of his right. Aramis also has a gardening hobby but he’s a creeper so he gives all his flowers girl names and when they make him rage he cuts them off the stem. He seems like he’s pretty chill but he’s actually hiding all of his emowangst on the inside because he’s the son of his dad’s secret lover who his dad threw out and then she went & killed herself. So yea Aramis never really met his ho mom and his dad was busy being a manwhore to care for him so yea he didn’t exactly have the best childhood so I guess there’s the explanation for his inner wangst.

When Dartanian opens up her heart to him he falls for her but he’s too scared to fully open up to anyone else so he confirms that she is in love with him first. But yea still too chicken to open up, he  instead goes and betrays the musketeers and Porthos gets captured and locked up. Darty runs to Aramis and is like DUDE THAT’S NOT COOL and he’s like “that’s how I am~” and to push her away even further he uses Planchet to make out in front Darty. Feeling guilty and still hopelessly in love with her, Aramis comes to Dartanian’s room and kisses her until she pushes him away. He covers up his feelings by saying he does this to anybody and he was just “passing by her room” before he leaves. So then Aramis boards the wangst train, breaks some windows and babbles about his pain until finally Darty convinces him that she’ll accept it all and he apologizes for being a dick. They go and help Porthos escape and they meet up with Athos in their wooden shack hideout. Afterwards he tells Darty that he loves her and he was just afraid of opening his heart in fear of betrayal just like before. Darty of course forgives him and they get all ichaicha as they make their way back to school. The two of them spend Christmas eve together in the garden doing god knows what (seriously not enough implications of anything!)

During the final battle with the erojiji, Aramis is practically blind but after Darty’s stabbed he does bring her to the diamond necklace and begs for it to save her while Athos & Porthos hold everyone back. Aramis also asks Anne to stop hanging out as the peanut gallery and come out so the stupid jiji can deal with her and stop getting Darty involved. As usual necklace saves everyone and fixes Aramis’ eyesight and turns him back to fully human. They hang out and watch the sunrise together and then in the epilogue I guess they’re living and getting all ichaicha with each other. Also Aramis is all like we gonna bathe together woman whether you like it or not so Darty’s like “well at least turn the lights off” and he’s like nooo way baby I wanna see it all now that my sight’s back to normal rawr. Well anyway seems like once you do 1 route the rest of the game just swooshes by so I feel like Aramis’ route went by fairly quickly. After doing 1 run you also got to see some behind the scenes stuff that you couldn’t see before, and I had the displeasure of being forced to go see erojiji in the church on several occasions yuck. As far as Aramis goes I think Maeno was the only saving grace. The womanly hair and the wangst train if voiced by say….Yusa Kouji woulda made me flip like 20 desks lol. Aramis also had a lot of kiss CGs but strangely they all looked really weird to me. I don’t think this artist is that great at drawing kiss scenes but I thought they weren’t too bad in death connection? I dunno I just don’t like the way they’re drawn in this game 😕

Porthos – I think Porthos route would be best done as first now that I’m done with it because they never reveal what the key to the tower is in this route. Obviously I already know this from the previous 2 routes but in addition to that this route just feels the most “lol wtf is this modern day love comedy”. So unlike Athos & Aramis, Porthos is the same age as Dartanian and they’re in fact in the same class. At first Porthos is this typical dumb jock but in addition to that he’s also a tsundere and a massive pervert. Well his perverted side doesn’t awaken of course until he falls head over heels for Darty xD. It all begins when he comes over to bring a book to her and runs into her naked in the shower but she’s so focused on her father’s death she pays it no mind. He gets frustrated that she hardly shows any emotion but eventually when Darty begins to soften up and laugh around him his feelings for her grow even stronger. In addition to having perverted dreams about her like all the time, Porthos also has an unfortunate problem of not being able to control his hormones. Whenever he starts thinking dirty thoughts about Dartanian, he turns into his demon form and like a magnet his hands fly towards her butt ﾌﾟｯ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵. After getting all jelly of Darty hanging out with Aramis & Athos, finally Porthos brings her to a classroom one evening and confesses that he loves her. Darty’s like “im not sure about my feelings yet but I guess you’re ahead of the other dudes for now.” Porthos settles on this saying he’ll wait for her to fall in love with him. When Darty catches a cold after he finally asks her to go on a date, he climbs into bed with her but that doesn’t last too long as he gets dirty thoughts, transforms and then has to bang his head against the wall to clear it of impurities. OH btw when he transforms back, all his clothes fly off (´_ゝ`)ｸｯｸｸｸ･･(´∀｀)ﾌﾊﾊﾊ･･( ﾟ∀ﾟ )ﾊｧｰﾊｯﾊｯ!!

After Roche attacks them, Porthos grabs her and they run off to his magical cave where  Darty cries that she can’t save the other 2 musketeers and Porthos has to hold her back. After she calms down they have a little chat where he tells her he never really took interest in girls until he met her, so she’s pretty much his first love. I guess Dartanian gets in the mood and finally confesses that she loves him too and she was just holding her feelings back because she couldn’t stop focusing on her father’s death. Porthos is so happy he screams in excitement and kisses her on the cheek. (*´ω｀*) Sadly that happiness is cut short when Roche shows up because Aramis betrayed them and captures Porthos, and eventually captures Dartanian. Dartanian yells at Aramis for being a trecherous dick and tells him she’ll fight him if she needs to. He puts up a fight but then goes back to moping and lets her go so she runs to Porthos and thanks to Rochnante sensei growing a pair, they let Porthos escape. Darty & Porthos run back to the cave (why would you go there again!) where now it’s Porthos’ turn to cry because of how upset he is that Aramis betrayed him. So then Aramis shows up like a douchebag and Porthos and him fight until they get all their man problems settled and they meet up with Athos in the hidden woods shack. After they make their battle plans, Aramis tells Porthos & Darty to go back to school first so they can spend their Xmas eve together alone while Aramis hogs the couch in the shack telling Athos to sleep on the floor 😆

After Porthos’ fail sled, they make it back to school and he drags her into his room, pigs out on Xmas dinner and immediately falls asleep. After having yet another ero dream about her he wakes up and is like OH MY GOD I FELL ASLEEP WHAT A LOSER. He then pulls Darty on the bed with him where they make out until sunrise. The next day he gives her a kiss promising to win the battle against jiji, and suddenly Lewis shows up and reveals himself as Anne’s lover (more like her husband but anyway…) He gives Porthos the diamond necklace and Porthos gives it to Dartanian saying to use it in case of emergency. So  yea that emergency happens and during the battle he uses it to save everyone and defeat the jiji. Somehow everyone ends up thrown into the freezing ocean (surprised they didn’t die of hypothermia) and since they turn back to human, Porthos’ clothes of course fly off. So here he’s like butt naked in freezing december ocean water but somehow he’s like “yo baby lets make out” so he and Darty grab on to some floating logs and make out as they float their way back to shore. In the meantime Aramis & Athos are also floating behind them and are like （ಠ_ಠ）dafuq.jpg So in the epilogue Porthos tells Darty that he wants them to move in together after they graduate and of course living with Porthos only leads to 1 thing….a few years later we see them at the beach with their 3 year old son & daughter in swimsuits riding on an inflated banana boat lolol. Omg what’s with the modern swimsuits? XDXD Also I love how Porthos also had manga to lend to Darty in this route. What time period does this game take place in again?? 😆 Ahh anyway Porthos was really a lot of fun. I couldn’t stop laughing when he would transform and be like I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF *gropes*. xDDD I don’t even like Hatano or dumb jock characters but I just loved Porthos.

Rochefort – Well starting with Roche the game pretty much tumbles downhill. First of all this guy’s a dickhead from start to finish and there’s practically romance in his route. Even when there is romance it like builds up and suddenly WOOPS NEXT SCENE GAIZ. So pretty much you sit there bored until you get excited and then flip a table in rage immediately after. ┻━┻ ︵ ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) Roche is like a 300 year old demon and he makes sure to tell Darty that he hates her when she asks him to train her in sword fighting. This route though pretty much reveals the majority of the Musketeer story. About 300 years ago,  England and France were having  international intrigue over oil & wealth and were at war with each other. Queen Anne, aka the Anne of this game, was a major slut whore who had a lover in the English army, the Duke of Buckingham. When her husband, King Lewis the 13th (the Lewis of this game) gave her a necklace as a gift for his loved one, she took the necklace and gave it to Buckingham like a treacherous bitch that she is. Lewis suspected his wife being a dirty whore so he secretly took 2 diamonds off it and kept them to himself.  In Otomate’s otome land version though, the necklace has the powers to make any wish come true so by giving it to the English army they could pretty much crush the French army with it. And so, the French army was indeed crushed and the commander Cardinal Richelieu, and his fellow sidekick Rochefort were killed in the process.

They both sold their souls to the devil so that they could be reborn in the same time period as Anne to take revenge on dat ho. So since Anne pretty much had the Musketeers working for her to get the necklace 300 years ago, she has them working for her now as well and Roche informs Darty that if she goes with the Musketeers he will consider her a traitor as well. Darty is confused as fuck about this whole “past life” business and starts whining and complaining so Roche locks her up in a cell! Great so now she’s spending her days in the stupid cell and all she can think about is how she wishes she danced at the winter ball. What does Roche do? He comes into the fucking cage and DANCES INSIDE IT WITH HER. ಠ_ಠ And so for the rest of the route it’s happy prison time and Roche’s laments about his BL love for Richelieu. So then as winter hits she gets all cold and starts like passing out in that stupid cell and when Roche sees this….he comes in and hugs her. JUST TAKE HER OUT OF THE FUCKING CELL YOU DOUCHE ┻━┻ ︵ ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) But of course all is forgiven because Dartanian’s been reduced to a doormat in this route especially after Roche takes her to his room and pretty much keeps her confined in there instead sigh =_=. So soon as Roche finds out that Darty’s heart is the key to the tower he’s torn between his pedolove for her and his manlove for Richie. Richie expects Roche to kill Darty and open the tower so he can get the necklace, but Roche decides to take his pedolove option and runs away with Darty in the forest where he runs into the 3 Musketeers. He tells them to take care of Darty and he goes back to Richie with a tail between his legs expecting punishment for his shameful acts. Also by this time Titwhore Sensei has taken Richie’s side saying she’ll get the necklace for him.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Darty is at the woods hideout with the musketeers who tell her about how everyone was part of the war in their past lives but they don’t really remember it but they feel like they should be working for Anne. Darty explains her side of the story she heard from Roche, and says the dude’s just got BL love for Richie and he isn’t a bad guy at all. So then asshole traitor Aramis shows up with a message from Richie saying he’s gonna execute Roche tomorrow morning unless Darty shows up at Buckingham tower. Darty’s like shit I  gotta save him and when she gets there Athos & Porthos help them escape while they hold Richie back. He had intended to turn Roche into a popsicle overnight but the two escape to the musketeer shack. That night Roche & Darty give each other some sexual healing (okay he just gave her a hickey and that was that ww.) So then they go fight the jiji and in comes the Otomate troll-a-thon where 1. Richie kills both Roche and Darty 2. He prolly gets access to the tower 3. Profit? We’ll never know cause the ending was basically the Musketeers finding Roche and Darty lying dead embracing each other in the snow. Oh well at least the Titwhore got killed by a demon along the way as a consolation prize. In the epilogue Darty and Roche are enjoying their time……as ghosts! Hooray! Ghost end! Best end! …….Not.  Blah that was so lame. The entire route felt it had maybe 10 minutes of romance if all the scenes were combined. I guess for some reason I kept hoping this route would be as awesome as Takahashi’s role in Riddle Garden but in the end it was just sucky suck. It reminded me of Joshua’s ending in Death Connection except at least that one had a somewhat happy epilogue but this sucked donkey balls.

Cardinal Richelieu – So if Roche wasn’t bad enough, I am now stuck trying to woo the fuck out of this 52 year old grandpa. ಠ_ಠ The whole route is basically this pedobear acting as Dartanian’s sugar daddy. Okay okay fine I’ll be honest – Riche is actually like 35 or something and he uses the jiji persona to hide himself from Anne (although it really doesn’t work since she knows who he is.) However, despite the change in age, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a huge pedobear and a sugar daddy and Dartanian is jailbait in comparison. The worst part being of course is the mystery of why the fuck does Darty take interest in him in the first place? She like wanders into this abandoned church and sees some old man there, has a convo with him and then keeps coming back every night to talk to him. Make some friends your own age guuurrrll. You got 3 hot musketeer men! They do such jolly things like play cards and talk about reading romance novels 😆 So then eventually Richie explains to Darty about his true form and we start to see his younger form more often. He tells her that she reminds him of his lover in the past life who was killed in war trying to protect him. Know who killed her? Darty in her past life! Oh the irony! Richie is also unfortunate to have the 6th sense and he constantly has ghosts telling him to take revenge on Anne. So pretty much old man decides that he’s on a mission of revenge (suddenly this story turned into the Count of Monste Christo) and he dumps Darty saying he just can’t be with her. So then it becomes like Higurashi Minagoroshi-hen and suddenly Roche goes down the list in a domino effect killing Aramis, Porthos, Athos, and even Rochefort! This route is such crap. I mean we got Rochefort turning into a bitchslapping ass after locking up Darty in the cell AGAIN, all the hot men are dead, Richie keeps switching forms from fabulous max to wrinkly old fart and Miss Titwhore is prancing around telling lies all over the place.　┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

Darty is released from the cell and she comes to the church on Xmas to see Richie and he’s like go ahead and kill me hoho! Darty chickens out and drops he sword and then when Richie finds out that she’s the key to the tower he decides he will take revenge on Anne without relying on the necklace. So finally Richie finds Anne the slut and is about to stab her until Lewis shows up begging him to stop. However Lewis is just awesome and says he’s responsible for his wife being a whore (no you’re not bby ;_;) and he stabs Anne himself!! Fuck yea.jpg Sadly he then takes his own life and pretty much Richie’s revenge is complete. However it’s not over till the fat lady Treville sings and he shows up and then stabs Richie! The reason is cause he’s like ok our deal was I turn you into demon and reborn you for your SOUL but Richie’s like “no way dude I found some hot jailbait I ain’t about to die now!” Trevvy wasn’t too happy with his answer but thanks to the miracle of love somehow Richie survived his stabbing after Darty took care of him for a few days. After he recovers a bit he drags himself to the church and then when Darty finds him they both confess their mad love for each other. They go after Trev who’s hanging out in the basement of the tower with the dead body of Richie’s former lover. They defeat him and somehow magically are able to get into the tower to get the necklace without stabbing Darty. Wow if only this coulda been done in like every other route! And so they wish for themselves to live happily ever after giving us a glorious reset ending where everyone, including Anne the slut, are alive but only Darty & Richie remember each other. 5 years later Richie’s knocked her up. Despite the route being crapolla, the omakes for him were really REALLY funny. He basically was like “oh if I’m 52 kissing you would be a crime” and “I wear manthongs” ﾌﾟｯ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵ So yea that was probably sadly the best part of the whole route lol.

Treville – Treville is the art teacher at Chevalier school and also a major dick troll ass FINAL BOSS of the game. In fact he’s the one who sealed the tower and made Dartanian the “key” forcing her father to constantly be on the run. It’s revealed from the start that he’s pulling the strings on everyone and he’s started a “game” with Anne that if she can get the Musketeers to defeat  Richie before 12/31 he’ll spare her. However if not, he will kill her, that or lol Richie will probably kill her as well. Fearing for her life Anne as usual gets the musketeers on her side while Richie as usual is plotting his great revenge for her betrayal of France. The story is pretty much a mirror of Richie’s route but this time we get to see everything from “behind the curtain”. Unfortunately this also means I’m sittin there waiting for this damn route to end because the whole time Treville makes it clear that everything is just a game to him and he just wants to take revenge on everybody, including Dartanian, for killing his former beloved Constance! Wait you say, wasn’t Constance Richie’s lover. Oh but in fact she was! Treville is fucking killing everyone all for his fucking 1 sided love shit. ( ﾟ,_ゝﾟ)ﾊﾞｶｼﾞｬﾈｰﾉ Since Richie’s route revealed that her former life self was the one who killed Constance (trying to attack Richie), I guess Treville hates her the most even though Darty’s got no recollection of what dafuq happened 300 years ago. So the whole route he spends pretending to be nice to her, and acting like he gives a shit while behind the scenes raging about how much he hates her. Unfortunately things don’t go as planned when the line between acting and realism becomes a blur and he actually starts to fall in love with Darty! ／(^o^)＼ﾅﾝﾃｺｯﾀｲ

Treville informs Anne that if she kills Darty and opens the tower by 12/31 he will spare her and so Anne goes after Dartanian but Roche cockblocks her plans and kills all the musketeers leaving her helpless. Dartanian’s like what dafuq’s going on everyone’s dying (again) and she confesses to Treville that she loves him begging him to just take her away somewhere. Treville’s like…lol how about no. He then goes to his edgelord basement and starts sadfapping over Constance’s dead body saying how he loves her but now he also loves Dartanian. So then Roche cockblocks his fappin session and they have a battle and Dartanian finds out that Treville’s a demon, not just a human that was turned into one, but was a demon all along. So then like a domino effect, Richie kills Rochefort, and then Treville kills Richie. Now only people left are Treville, and Dartanian who he is saving for “last” and says he’ll let her live until the 31st. By letting her live of course, he fucking throws her in a cell and then gets into the cell next door and  SITS AGAINST THE WALL EMFOAGGING ABOUT HER AGAIN ┻━┻ ︵ ლ(ಠ益ಠლ). Out of boredom and roneriness, Treville comes to her cell on Xmas and gives her a cake and tells her about his former one sided love with Constance. He has grandiose plans to use the diamond necklace to basically bring her back from the dead and he has to stab Darty’s heart and use her blood to open the tower. So then I guess he’s so confused about his feelings for his one sided dead ho and his pedolove for Dartanian that he says LETS PRETEND TO BE LOVERS FOR THE NEXT 5 DAYS LOL. Darty’s like “but why should I pretend I actually lo..” and he’s like PRETEND ( ಠ益ಠ ).

So then they do stupid shit like wash each others hair and hold hands and tell each other fairy tales until 12/31 when he takes her to the tower to kill her. However at the last moment he gives in and kisses her saying he’s madly in love with her and the fuck with that dead ho DARTANIAN I CHOOSE YOU! /throws pokeball. Sadly Gary Oak Lewis the 13th shows up and in like 3 hits KILLS TREVILLE (wow talk about him suddenly being really SUCKY for no apparent reason). I mean literally the guy just…poofed. Nobody else could kill him but Lewis shows up and slices him like cheese. （ಠ_ಠ） He tells Darty she can kill him if she wants but she wants to end all this revenge crap and so she doesn’t do it. In the epilogue it’s now 100 years later and the Chevalier school is used a tourist attraction. Dartanian, who’s been reborn is now on her honeymoon with her newlywed husband – Treville visiting the school. The tour guide is a reborn version of Planchet and then Darty & Trevvy go up to the tower where they used to meet in the past and get all ichaicha. Neither of them have recollection of their former lives but they do feel something “familiar”. Meh. That was such balls lol the fact that he could be killed so easily, that he changed his mind at the last minute and somehow 100 years later they live happily ever after. Well I admit it’s better than ghost end, but it’s still balls. Oh well I wouldn’t expect any less from Otomate! This route felt horribly long because  I hated Treville from the start of it, or rather the end of Richie’s route, and any “romantic” CGs or scenes just pissed me off and made me roll my eyes. Way to ruin someone before the route even  starts.

Constantine – Well Constantine is pretty much the OTP of the game and that’s why he’s like a “hidden” route which unlocks when you finished all the other characters. The route begins where Treville’s ended with him killing Dartanian and so Constantine runs into Buckingham tower and wishes on the necklace to fly back in time. So now basically we have Back to the Future Musketeer Style with Constantine trying to change the past to save his beloved Darty. He’s thrown back to summer right before Dartanian’s father is killed. When he hears that Treville left school he grabs a horse and runs to her house and saves her father from getting killed. He tries telling Treville that the Dartanian he wants to take revenge on is not the same Dartanian from 300 years ago but Treville’s like “yea whatever go ahead and try to stop me trollface.jpg”. Unfortunately despite saving her father, Dartanian still enrolls in Chevalier school saying she wants to become strong just like Constantine. In order to try and get some backup, Constantine challenges all 3 musketeers to a duel and defeats them using tricks and cheating like sand in eyes, nudidity and drumming dolls. Constantine also tries talking to Anne and Richie to get them to stop battling with each other but it doesn’t work because he cannot reveal to them that Dartanian’s the key to the Buckingham tower. Without this info, they don’t believe him and think that he’s fulla shit. In order to get him to talk, Roche kidnaps Darty and throws her into the cell telling Cons that if he wants her out he better either tell them where the tower key is OR tell them where Anne is. Out of ideas on what to do, Constantine once again begs the Musketeers to help him and they listen to his story and agree to help. So at the final battle its Constantine + Musketeers vs Anne & Lewis vs Richie & Roche. When everyone gets there, Constantine shows off his seal and says that he is actually the reborn form of Dartanian from 300 years ago and then both Lewis & Treville realize that Dartanian is the reborn form of Constance – the moment she protects Constantine from being stabbed by Treville.

Lewis begs Richie not to kill Anne and says he will take responsibility and so he and Anne go off to do a murder suicide together. So yea when Trev realizes that he’s treated his FORMER LOVER CONSTANCE like fucking shit he laughs at himself and was like “what dafuq have I been doing for 300 years?!” ( ﾟ,_ゝﾟ)ﾊﾞｶｼﾞｬﾈｰﾉ　And then the Musketeers and Rochefort are like “what was the point of us in this route again?” 😆 So then Constantine hugs Darty, who wasn’t  killed because he replaced Trev’s sword with a shitty replica so it didn’t do any damage. He then goes to the tower with Trevvy and uses the necklace to make Trev be reborn as a human so he can one day reunite with Dartanian in the future or something. He asks that Cons bury the necklace with Anne’s body afterwards. And so this all happens right before the winter ball and both Constantine and Dartanian dance together. As they dance with each other, he asks her to go out with him and when she agrees he’s so happy he kisses her in front of everyone. (*´ω｀*) The end. Whatt no epilogue! How dare they! (´；ω；｀) The omake voices for Constantine were hilarious. My favorite one was “Under these clothes is something amazing.” ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊﾊ八八ﾉヽﾉヽﾉヽﾉ ＼ / ＼/ ＼ Also in the omake scene, he’s giggling like an idiot like Porthos does when he has ero thoughts because he has plans to go to the beach with Darty. Unfortunately Trev & Richie show up all (*´д｀*)ﾊｧﾊｧ  because they wanna see their former lover Constance as well and Constantine’s like “NO BACK OFF BEITCHES SHE’S MINE ( ಠ益ಠ ).” XDXDXD Lmfao omg Constantine’s route was so cute and sweet. It actually almost felt like the whole route was from his POV because we got to hear a lot of his inner thoughts and there were a lot of scenes of him doing stuff behind the scenes without Dartanian finding out what’s going on. Anyway it was really sweet and I seriously wish it was longer. Like the time they spent with fucking retard ass Treville shoulda been dedicated to Constantine instead. (　´_ゝ`)

I must admit that aside from the Musketeers and Constantine, the rest of the characters can honestly just go rot in hell lol (well that’s where they belong anyway.) Dartanian was an interesting heroine – but it also depended on the route. With the musketeers she was awesome, with Rochefort, Richie & Treville it was just dafuq and with Constantine she pretty much had no personality as most of the route was focused on him. So no I can’t say she was a super strong heroine because she just changed so much depending on who you were trying to get with. The demon transformation scenes reminded me of Hiiro no Kakera but I thought the effect was a nice touch on everything. What bothered me was the inconsistency between sprites and CGs. I feel like the sprites were so much hotter than their CG counterparts. In some CGs I’d be like “…who are you （ಠ_ಠ）?” I also don’t know what the deal is but I felt like most of the kiss CGs were really crappily drawn EXCEPT for the kiss with the erojiji. Seriously? Why does he get the best kiss scene? (lll￣□￣)ｶﾞｰﾝ!! The cool part was if you left the heroine’s name defaulted to Dartanian the guys would speak her name which is a really nice touch for those of us who don’t like to Mary Sue ourselves into these things. I wish more game companies would do that. A lot of the story felt a bit like Death Connection with the whole rebirth thing but despite some hateable characters I just loved how the story was sort of “ongoing” over the course of the game with more and more pieces being revealed as you played more of the routes. Favorite characters were Porthos and Constantine because they were just the most preciously adorable dorks ever. Athos was cute in his route too but I didn’t like him too much in other people’s routes so I guess I can’t add him into that list.  Overall I think for the solid story (except Treville dat fucker) it’s actually worth a play. I dragged it out cause I was trying to catch up on some anime the first week I played but it’s really not that long since you do skip at least half of the game in each route once you do 1 playthrough. My only regret is – no Lewis route!