Otome Game Review: Trouble Fortune Company Happy☆Cure

This is another one of those games where the seiyuu cast is amazing and everything else is balls. The story is about our heroine Tsuzuri whose mother is a fortune teller. One day her mom Sakura goes missing in action, leaving Tsuzuri and her brother Amane, saying she’s gone to look for their father. She leaves without saying where she’s going and how long she’ll be gone and now all of her fortune telling customers demand to see her. It’s up to Tsuzuri to train (aka for you to raise stats) so that she can become a super fortune teller and snag that man. Quality over 9000 ahead!

Misaki Keigo – I love Sugita’s sexy deep voice but not when the character looks like a reject out of Rose of Versailles. Keigo is older than Tsuzuri and he’s got that whole “I’m serious man with serious issues” act going on. He lives with his grandparents because his parents died and he’s forced to train to take over the family business because his father, the successor, is no longer alive. He’s had Sakura do his fortune telling since he was little and now that she’s gone he’s in extreme wangst that he cannot get his fortune told! OH GOD WHATEVER WILL HE DO! So he goes for the next best thing – her daughter. While attempting to get Tsuzuri to tell his fortune he also worries about her when she starts passing out. He helps her with her training and then he starts flipping out that after all that she STILL hasn’t told him his fortune! Tsuzuri slaps him in da face and tells him to stop getting his panties in a bunch. Just then Sakura returns and all is good. Keigo also then realizes it’s not that he needs his fortune told, it’s that he’s a lonely bum who just wanted someone to tell him it’s aaawwww’right. He tells Tsuzuri he likes her and then Tsuzuri turns into an 11 year old and starts spazzing and OMGNOWAY’ing before telling him she likes him too. In the epilogue they watch the stars together and for teasing him, Keigo kisses her but since the CG just showed their heads close to each other for all I know they coulda been whispering dirty jokes instead. I don’t know, after all that stat raising and I don’t even get my kiss CG? (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ 彡┻━┻

Takase Ritsu – I guess the childhood friend prevails over the rich bocchama so Ritsu’s story was slightly more interesting. Unfortunately his character design was so hideous I just couldn’t really get into his route despite Suzumura being the VA. Ritsu is the older brother of Tsuzuri’s friend Rin so basically they all grew up together. He’s also stereotyped to be that friend who’s loved her forever and ever. Unfortunately he’s like a hardcore sentai maniac and likes to work out so he can be all muscly. Yuck (　´_ゝ`) If his stupid hair ponytail wasn’t bad enough. She overhears him saying that he doesn’t believe in fortunes and she gets all wangsty until he explains that while he doesn’t believe in them, he does appreciate all the hard work Tsuzuri’s put into her efforts to become like her mother. Apparently in the past she got injured in some abandoned building and when he ran to call for help she got hurt more so he felt like he couldn’t protect her or something. This is why Ritsu’s brother hates him as well. One day while Tsuzuri and Rin were shopping they saw some shotas being bullied so they went to protect them and then the guys were like “hey baby” so Ritsu showed up in a superhero outfit and kicked all their asses. Somehow though Tsuzuri managed to bang her head and she passed out. Ritsu blamed himself for not being able to protect her before and now. She didn’t remember the past because her mother had sealed off her memories of the incident. She tried hard and finally remembered and told Ritsu that he did protect her and it wasn’t his fault. For new years eve/her birthday she runs to his house where they have a birthday cake together in his room and then make out and maybe have some implied sekks.(*ﾉﾉ)ｲﾔﾝ

Kuze Michizumi – Yea I don’t think she ever said his first name in the game and it’s a mouthful so I’m calling him Kuze. Kuze is the tsundere we (me) all love but the game makers decided to make him look like the ORLY owl so his head is slanted like 90% of the time. Kuze considers Tsuzuri his fortune telling rival because his grandpa and her grandpa from back in the day were rivals – and his grandpa lost. When she gets sick he brings her garlic and some nasty home made medicine from his grandma. He tries to shove it in her mouth but in the CG it looks like he’s sticking a giant green dildo into her face – then her brother walks into the room ﾌﾟｯ(※థэథ)∵.*.∵. They go on a double date to the amusement park with Amane and Kuze’s sister Izumi. In the haunted house she slips & falls right into his arms! (Apparently the house makers did this on purpose 😆 ) Anyway he asks her to a challenge on who’s the best fortune teller and she starts to realize you can’t always just tell the people exactly what you see – you gotta tell them what they wanna hear. (That’s why fortune telling is complete bullshit（ಠ_ಠ）). Anyway he eventually drops the challenge crap and then on Xmas eve he blurts out a confession after glomping and kissing her. In the epilogue he rejects other ho’s because he only wants valentine’s day gifts from his honey. Tsuzuri gives him some bitter chocolate (because he hates sweet things) and a sweater and they kiss some moar. Too bad neither of the kiss CG was decently drawn enough to post here orz.

Sakashita Harumi – Harumi is the token shota. He’s so fucking shota he looks like he’s at least 6 years younger than Tsuzuri and the entire route just made me feel like a huge pedobear. This is just a damn shame because I really like Hoshi Souichiro and similarly like with the other characters, the voice actor just did not fit the character (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ 彡┻━┻ Harumi likes to paint and when Tsuzuri gets sick he brings her pudding. Harumi is the epitome of bad luck so anyone that’s with him will surely get into some kind of accident. Tsuzuri almost gets hit by a biker, a car and a train. （ಠ_ಠ） He gives her a good luck bringing necklace but maybe it worked since Harumi wasn’t killed by the oncoming train? Or maybe he was just able to avoid it because he’s so tiny. Anyway 3 years pass and both of them are in college. Thankfully Harumi went through a major growth spurt so he’s kinda manly now. Too bad we STILL didn’t get any kind of kiss CG. I mean if you go through the time to draw him all grown up, give us some kiss CG man come on!! I didn’t want shota kissing but adult Harumi kissing’s all good. Sigh. I should just stop expecting anything from this game.

Kajiwara Shinobu – Oh yes the pedo art sensei. Well the good news is that for the 2nd game I’ve played ever, (first one being Hakuoki) Yusa didn’t voice a yandere rapist! Unfortunately the character in this game was crap and the rapists he voiced were probably more interesting. His hair is so long it’s down to his ass, and so most of the time his sprite looks like a woman. In some CGs he looks like a woman and if you saw the CG out of context you would really think that. However since Yusa Kouji is pretty manly this helps thin out the womanly image but then it basically leaves us with an オネェ character (　´_ゝ`). The entire plot of this route is that he was childhood friends with the school nurse Aki and when Tsuzuri saw this in a “foreseeing” dream, she got all jealous. Then sensei had to be like “boku ga suki na no ha kodomo~“　and he jumped on her and kissed her….on the cheek. I guess they are now secretly having a forbidden relationship between teacher and student as sensei gets over his painting trama and decides to draw a portrait of Tsuzuri. Meh as with all the other routes I feel like there could have and should have been more but in the end there just wasn’t.

Honjou Taichirou – Honjou is 29 years old and is the token pedo detective with the porn sax music. He’s the detective helping Tsuzuri and Amane find their missing mother. He often refers to Tsuzuri as Hime-san and always feeds her ridiculously sweet cakes (which make Amane sick.) So while the first part of his route was pretty weak and all he would do is spend the entire time feeding Tsuzuri and/or hitting on her. The latter half got better and actually made me feel like this was the only really worthwhile and story related route in the whole game!　／(^o^)＼ﾅﾝﾃｺｯﾀｲ So Tsuzuri’s dad Masatakashi has been gone for 9 years. He went off to search for the legendary Kunisaki family stone the Tensei Ruika and got into an accident because he fell off the cliff while trying to retrieve it. The stone was actually for Tsuzuri so she could develop her fortune telling powers. When he fell off he lost all his stuff and then was found by a local village and brought there. Sadly he had a massive case of amnesia and had nothing to identify himself so he pretty much laid like a log in this village for 9 years until word came to Sakura of his whereabouts. So that’s basically where the mom has been the entire game and once Honjou finds out where she is, he informs Tsuzuri and the two of them go together to see her and find out what the hell the deal is.

While on the way there Honjou tells Tsuzuri a little bit about himself. Turns out he was an orphan abandoned by his stupid drunk father. He was then adopted by the Honjou family which he loved a lot but he always felt out of place there. Because of this he began to leave the house and travel a lot just so he wouldn’t be around them. Because he has a “fortune star” with him he had good luck in his travels and good luck in general. He actually has Sakura’s Tensei Ruika because she gave it to him when they first met. He was 12 at the time and it was 1 year before Tsuzuri was to be born. She told him that he has a very good compatibility astrologically with her newborn child and that’s why she gave him her stone to hold on to. Anyway Tsuzuri and Honjou arrive at the village and lo’ and behold Sakura is indeed there! She shows them Tsuzuri’s dad who’s not like a vegetable but he’s dazed and confused if anything. Sakura tells them that if they find Tsuzuri’s Tensei Ruika then it may be able to bring some of his memories back so both Honjou and Tsuzuri set off to do this. It’s too windy though so they decide to wait till the next morning when the wind has calmed down before trying. That morning Tsuzuri has a dream that Honjou’s “fortune star” dies out and when she finds out he went to get the stone on his own, she panics and runs after him.

She finds him trying to get the stone, barely holding on to the cliff because of all the strong winds blowing around. She begs him to come back because his fortune star is gone so he isn’t surrounded by good luck anymore. Honjou tells him that his fortune star is Tsuzuri and as long as she is watching everything will be okay. Tsuzuri acts like the cheerleader that she is and he’s able to get the stone. They bring it to the dad and then Tsuzuri tells him to call her name out and remember who she is. The dad finally snaps back to reality and remembers everything. Everyone goes back home and then Honjou says he’ll have to move soon. The moving day happens to be on Xmas eve and she runs to his apartment crying as to why he didn’t say goodbye etc. He tells her that he’s just moving across the street from her house saying he no longer needs to be a nomad because he’s found his place in her arms. Yes he literally places himself there and they kiss (*ﾉ∀ﾉ)ｲﾔﾝ So anyway she gives him a piece of her Tensei Ruika to have as a good luck charm since he plans to return Sakura’s back to her as he no longer needs it. D’aww see? Best storyline ever! The fact that I have more than 1 paragraph to write about it is proof enough. Kind of sad since it sort of makes all the other routes seem kinda pointless （ಠ_ಠ）.

Kunisaki Amane – Uh well the guide that I followed – the person wrote saying Amane was their favorite. So the entire time I’m like hoping for something totally awesome in Amane’s route…but there just wasn’t. It was just a rehash of Honjou’s route followed by the fact that Amane may have SOME of the powers he inherited from Sakura. That means he’s still her brother, this route is still incest and the ending was just….abrupt. All they did was go see some renai movie together but we didn’t even get a scene for it so like who cares. Blah. I don’t support bro/sis things unless they’re adopted or something but if you’re gonna have a legit brother why even GIVE him a route. Freaking waste of my time with all the stupid stat raising （ಠ_ಠ）. Why does Miyano’s character keep getting shafted!

Well what can I say? Poo. Poo everywhere! The story had potential but I feel like I wasted more time “studying” with the guy whose route I was on than doing anything else. The events were linear in a sense that if you got sick in every route, the guy of that route would come to make you feel better. There was nothing “special” or “different” about any of the guys except their endings which made the entire first half of the game really annoying with the stat raising. Oh about that – I am so glad I used an emulator with this game because save-state is a god send I tell you. Normally you can’t save when the “stat raising” screen comes up so you have to save somewhere a little earlier and if you picked a stat that didn’t give you “raise” you’d need to then load from your save and try again. With save state this is instant, with the ingame save and load – I can see why my fellow otome gamer Koori rage quit this game instantly. The only saving grace of the game honestly are the voice actors. The art is crap, the music is usually bland until you hear Honjou’s porno sax or the cheesy guitar music during some guy’s climax scene. The sprites were probably the worst part of it all with Kuze looking herpyderpy and Ritsu looking kinda cool. The routes were about 3-4 hours each but I felt like it was 3 hours of nothing and then 1 hour of ending story. Unless you really love the voice actors (i.e. me) and are using the emulator, I really don’t recommend this game at all (´･ω･`；)