This game or whatever you want to call it terrible so this review will be short, bitter and without any spoilers. Why no spoilers? Because there’s nothing to spoil, there’s no real story. The plot requires you, a faceless gacha premade heroine to pick a MatsuNEET and get him a job by the end of the game.

First the game starts with you having to pick a protagonist – aka YOU. Of course you don’t actually get to pick, you basically have to shuffle your way to a SUPER RARE character so the game gives you tips and hints during your playthrough otherwise it’s even more annoying.

 

And so you see a bunch of these short 5-8 minute scenarios that are really fucking stupid and in them each time the Matsu guy will call “you” for advice.

Now honestly if you gave them good advice I’d kinda see the point but a lot of times this “protagonist” gives them the dumbest advice???

This isn’t even advice….on top of that, see that 2? Yea that’s right some choices are TIMED. What is even the point of timed choices WHAT. To give examples of how freaking dumb these “stories” are:

There was also this gem where Jyushimatsu finds woman’s underwear on their front lawn and when Ichimatsu suggests the obvious that it’s probably their mom’s, they think it’s impossible and that it’s Totoko’s. Needless to say when they bring it to her, she gets so pissed she locks them in her family fish freezer. ಠ_ಠ  Another one included some weird bug turning into a pretty girl, coming to the Matsu house, cocooning, turning into a kabutomushi and flying away. Dafuq. The other thing that really bothered me about the “protagonist” is basically you are assigned to “watch over” the Matsus to help them become better suited to be in the work force but literally all you do is …stalk them from a far like a creeper:

The binocular animation at the beginning of each chapter made it feel really creepy. After 28 painful days of this bullshit, you finally get one of the Matsus to have a score of 0 (they start at -999) and you get 1 brief “epilogue” which also rewards a trophy. I did Choromatsu first but….

IN THE END HIS JOB ONLY LASTS LIKE A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE HE QUITS AGAIN WHAT IS THE POINT. ﾄﾘｬ!!|┛*｀Д´|┛。・＊・┻━┻：・、。▽ I was thinking okay Choro failed but maybe if I start over it saves my progress at least right?

The extra section only features the gallery, bgm (which I somehow completed after I took this screenshot) and a scene gallery. There’s really nothing else interesting and the entire game you just have to slog for all the MULTIPLE epilogues to find the CGs for the platinum trophy like a needle in a haystack. Also a lot of scenes that I thought was a CG ended up not being a CG so if you’re actually playing this and you like a certain scene that looks like a CG, screenshot the hell out of it. The other annoyance is a lot of screenshots included the GUI even when I removed it…it’s like the game refused to let me take screenshots without the stupid text. On the topic of text, fuck that font, the stupid て looks like the letter T to me every time and constantly throws me off (# ﾟДﾟ).

A lot of the character art also felt off, like I know it’s supposed to be the Matsus, but something felt..off? I feel like even the art in my Matsu mobage resembles closer to the anime than this game did.

And finally THE ABSOLUTELY WORST PART OF THIS GAME IS THIS:

Yea that’s fucking right, for 80% of the game instead of voices you HEAR THIS BULLSHIT. THEY FUCKING CUT VOICES OUT OF A CHARACTER-CENTRIC GAME WHERE VOICES ARE A HUGE PART OF THE CHARACTERS. Seriously I know Otomate cuts corners but if you can’t afford to pay the seiyuus don’t pick up a game based on such an expensive franchise! What the fuck!! That noise was so irritating, fortunately you can still turn it off but then you just have…the bgm and nothing else. It basically turns into nothing more than playing one of my Matsu Mobage that I PLAY FOR FREE. And hell to be honest Hesokuri Wars is way more fun than this tedious BS. The hilarious part is how they wasted effort/budget to program BEEBEBEBEBEBEBE into each line instead of just leaving it completely silent, you ain’t fooling anyone.

Overall this was a GREAT WASTE OF $130. Seriously I could have bought 2-3 other games over this and now the game got such poor Amazon reviews it’s 68% off anyway even if I DID want the goods that came with the Choromatsu set! Argh! (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻ The entire game is so tedious and the lack of voices (turned into robot noises) is just a complete slap in the face. I have barely any games to play until October but I would literally rather just read the news on my phone than have to deal with this tedious BS on my commute. The jokes aren’t funny, the stories jsut feel like a rehash of what was in the anime, and in the end all your effort goes to waste anyway. You gotta be some really hard core osomatsu fan to forgive all this BS, but from the Amazon reviews I’m seeing even the Matsu fans are unhappy. I think it might have been more forgiving if at least they made the game fully voiced and had less of a grueling stat raiser, but a tedious silent game with lame jokes is all it ended up being. I didn’t have high expectations for this game, but just like the starting status, they plummeted down to -999. This might be a nomination for kusoge of the year.